Post-Grad Friendships…Completely Possible or a Total Hoax?
When you’re in college making friends comes so naturally; everyone is scared, new to this, and most likely left all of their best friends back home. You develop such intense relationships: you can call Amanda at 3 a.m. and cry about your breakup with Xion because she lives down the hall. You breakfast, lunch, and dinner together… it’s basically a crime if anyone goes to the cafe without you #framily. You become a tight-knit squad like the cast of Grownish. I mean those are your future bridesmaids and groomsmen, godparents, and the people to get you out of jail after a looong night. But friends after college…that’s a different story.
Here's The Tea... and it's black because it's the bitter truth:
After college making friends will be as hard as finding Dollar Pizza on the Upper East Side. (Which if you don’t know, is practically impossible) So if you were expecting to make a huge group like the cast of Friends… Sorry, babe! It isn’t as easy as asking them to join you at the cafe for brunch. There are fewer social expectations after college; of course, you can still go to keggers, frat parties, and homecoming weekend but then all of your friends are still in college. Without these expectations to go to social events and your time being taken up by work and responsibilities, you can see how making friends becomes one of the last things on your list in life. While you’re going through it and realizing this active effort thing is harder than it looks, take a deep breath and realize you’re not alone in this dilemma.
After I graduated, all of my post-grad friends were just as busy if not busier than me and I had a lot on my plate. I was the social media coordinator for a really big company, held a position in my sorority, and had a small part-time (job because the cost of living in NY is insane). With life happening 3 times over it was super hard to try and make friends but I didn’t want to feel like a social outcast. I thought it was this adjustment period everyone talks so much about, you know? You move back home and everything takes some time to get used to. However, I thought my adjustment period would be more “Oh my favorite store isn’t here anymore” or the intense gentrification of Brooklyn, not “I’m a hermit because I have no time for friends”. Turns out I wasn’t the only person who felt this way. I asked my Instagram followers for their opinion on the topic: “Was it harder to make friends after college or was it just my INFP-T personality doing its thing?” A whopping 70 % of users agreed with me; making post-grad friends just isn’t as easy as it was in school.
The harsh reality is there is no more let's go around the classroom and say one fact about each other, no more group projects where you can make friends and you no longer have as much free time as you did in the past. Even your good ole friendships might not feel the same anymore, let's face it kids: growing up sucks!
After graduation not only is it harder to maintain the friendships you had but it’s harder to make new ones. I mean it’s not like you can run to Christina and binge-watch Stranger Things all night you have work. Responsibilities and all those other adult things our parents warned us about are suddenly taking over our lives. Maintaining friendships begins to come with a bit of planning; planning brunches a month in advance or meeting up for dinner on the third Friday of every other month. Sure Jenn, Sally, and Angie brunch every weekend and they’ve created that Sex In The City squad you’ve always wanted. However, I just had to schedule hanging out with my line sister into my planner as if she were a client. So, the truth is you’re not the only one who feels this way.
So am I writing this because I am absolutely miserable and need to share my misery with you guys? I mean maybe… but not really. I’m here because while making new friends may seem like an impossible task, it isn’t as hard as you think. There are opportunities everywhere, you’re just looking harder, not smarter. Sometimes you have to make friends where you can because just having someone by your side can make hard days a little more bearable. Here are two simple ways to make friends post undergrad:
Befriend Your Coworkers
You never know who may be feeling the same way as you. Yes, work friendships are a little different than your usual friendships but if you know all about their personal life, financial life, and seen all forms of their attitude what’s really stopping you from befriending that crazy coworker who will not stop telling you about their sex life? They become a friend who you can see every day, someone who understands your busy schedule and sometimes it’s the friendships that you least expect that last the longest. Keep in mind that not all of your coworkers are you friends; I have experiencd a few work place dramas, romances, problems, etc. Sometimes it really is best to go to work make your coin and go back home. However, if you read the room and bond with someone at work you see yourself getting along with then invite them to an afterwork happy hour, take lunch together and see where it goes.
There Is An App For EVERYTHING
When all else fails and your coworkers don’t want to be your friends or your personal trainer doesn’t care about what’s happening in the group chat; there’s an app for everything. Shout out to Gen Z. Although we hate to talk about it, without this technologically obsessed generation we would probably still have to go outside and make friends…” how tragic”. So yes my friends, there is an app for friends and it’s not rentafriend or any other suspicious websites. Bumble (who I promise is not endorsing this post) is the Tinder for friendships but without the sketchy conversations and unwanted *bleep* pics. I mean what more could you ask for? I came across Bumble while I felt like that NYC socialite living in the body of a hermit, it had immensely changed the game for me.
Similarly, to Tinder, you put in your info but it has really cute prompts so it feels like the person viewing your profile can get to know more about you. Before I go on any further, let’s clear all the buzz in the air, (see what I did there) Yes bumble did start off as a dating app, it differs because YOU make the first move. However, upon its success, it began to expand and now you can use all 3 in one app; Bumble Date, Bumble BFF, and Bumble Bizz. Essentially it’s an app for all aspects of your life, love friendship, and work. What I love about Bumble is that they often throw contests or events and have pop-ups: this past Valentine’s Day I caught up with the Bumble truck in SoHo. I entered this really cute space with free gifts and cookies, and they let you write a letter to yourself to mail out.Overall, I have made quite a few friends on Bumble and it’s something you can do from the comfort of your couch, the subway ride to work, or the bubble bath on Sunday evenings.
Is making friends after college hard? Definitely but is it impossible? Well, that is completely up to you. Life will never be as easy as it was during those years you spent at college but what’s life without a few difficulties. Get a planner to schedule your brunch plans, invite your coworker to drinks after work, right swipe that girl on Bumble who is living the exact life you want. So don’t give up on your college BFFs and while you’re here make some new ones for this exciting phase in life.
